“Oh, yes sir. Bit me directly in the buttocks. They said it was a million-dollar wound, but the Army must keep that money, ’cause I still ain’t seen a nickel of that million dollars.
The only good thing about being wounded in the buttocks is the ice cream.
They gave me all the ice cream I could eat. (Forrest Gump)
Somedays you just don’t see it coming…..the day starts like normal. The normal shuffle to the coffee pot. The normal bowl of oatmeal. The normal amount of ignoring the fact that your son is jumping on the couch at 7:25 in the morning while you can barely fathom having the energy to brush your teeth.
And then it happens…like an ambush on a quiet little quaint village. The rapid gunfire of requests and demands from your children pops and comes so quickly you are left bewildered and laying on the floor in your bathrobe. Here is just a sampling of actual “gunfire” that took place last week in the span of one hour…promise..it’s all true…
“I bit my tongue!!! (tears, sob, tears)…I ran into the wall (tears, snot, tears)..I stepped on a toy (tears AGAIN and wipe snot)…I peed in my bed…Zoey hit me!!…Zoey won’t dance with me…I don’t WANT chicken for lunch….ooo I like chicken for lunch!!….I need a glass of water!!….I need batteries for my car!!…where’s my whistle?….I can’t find my baby…I CAN’T clean up my room…it’s too hard..where’s my remote?…….you NEVER let me watch TV….
BOOOM! (that’s a bazooka)
It hit me so fast I tried to hold on for about 30 seconds and then had to fight the urge not to just burst into tears. As I tried to process I heard a voice in the back of my mind reminding me that my husband wouldn’t be home for another ELEVEN hours and that I was all alone, stranded, vulnerable, the only person who could read and make food and tie shoes…no calvary, no backup in sight…
I wish I could say I have a wonderful verse that cures all insanity in the midst of warfare. I wish I could say I prayed and my children suddenly floated around like angels and I brushed my teeth and ran the house like June Cleaver. As you may know already, most of my posts are about grace, because I am a MESS! And on this day, I was a complete disaster. Bathrobe and all I prayed and asked God to help me to see Him right there in the trenches with me. He’s really good at diffusing bombs but I am not. And so I survived simply because I could believe that He was right there with me. And with him I would survive and live to fight another day.
But therefore, my curiousity reels and I need to know…what do YOU do when you come under fire? When no matter what you try your children don’t seem to be able to get along. No matter how nicely you explain or pray with them or pray to God for the rapture, nothing changes and you’re stuck…when the days seem so long and no human help on the horizon. Do you call for backup? Do you turn into Mom-zilla and strike your children down with fire blasts from your nostrils? Do you shop online? HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?
For example, I have one friend (who I love very much) that hides in the corner with a glass of wine and plays Angry Birds until her kids find her. I personally choose to hide in the laundry room and eat chocolate or send the kids to their rooms and try to escape to the wonderful world of Pinterest..which sadly on my best day has only lasted about 4 minutes before my bunker was invaded.
Be honest if you dare. Chances are we all do similair things to cope when under fire and I really believe we can laugh and remember next time we’re at war that we are NOT alone. Maybe we are so different that not everyone’s idea of retreat is the same. But how fun would it be to find out some survival tips, and then maybe crawl in the corner and play Angry Birds together….
(PS…Foster Care Part Deux coming next!! I haven’t forgotten..just slack!)